We understand it can be hard to access support.
Sometimes it can be easier or preferable to ask questions and talk things through with an counsellor on the phone, rather than coming in for a face to face session.
Talking to an experienced counsellor, one on one, gives you an opportunity to identify and explore what is important for you in your life.
You can talk with someone who will listen, and who understands the many barriers and issues common to the experience of male sexual abuse or sexual assault. Our counsellors do not require you to talk in detail about the abuse, if you don’t wish to. Counselling goes at a pace you are comfortable with.
If you live in Queensland, we are here to listen, and to provide information, support, and understanding in a way that improves your relationships and overall wellbeing.
Call us on (07) 3028 4648 to have an introductory chat to one of our specialist counsellors. If none is available at the time you call, we will take your details and call you back as soon as we can.
How telephone counselling works
After the initial conversation, it is up to you as to whether you would like to continue with telephone counselling. This can depend on a range of factors, like whether you feel you can connect with the counsellor and whether talking on the phone works well for you. If you do decide you would like to continue, further sessions can be booked.
Sessions can be weekly, fortnightly, or whatever works for you. When a telephone counselling session is booked, your counsellor will call your preferred phone number at the scheduled time.
All of your sessions will be with the same counsellor. If you would like a different counsellor (e.g. a different gender or counselling style) please let us know, as this is something we understand and would like to support you with.
Comment by Julia
Julia January 17, 2016 at 4:45 pm
I truly need to speak with someone about how my boyfriend deals with his childhood molestation. I live with him, have nowhere else to go and don’t think I can handle his therapy. I love him very much, but he wont consider any other actions as being able to deal. I know my love for him will change for my own safety and I just really need to talk with someone on what to do and how I can deal with this. My depression is reaching the lowest ever. I am trying to be understanding, but it’s killing me inside.
Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]
Jess [Living Well Staff] February 4, 2016 at 11:15 am
As you’re on our telephone counselling page I’m guessing you would like to talk to a counsellor. Unfortunately we are an Australian service and it looks like you are in the US. Please visit our partners over there, 1in6.org – that link goes to the “family and friends” section of their website, with info and support that I hope will be helpful to you.
Best of luck finding someone you can talk with about this Julia – as it’s important you have support as well. Take care of yourself in this difficult time.
Comment by Louise
Louise November 22, 2016 at 10:50 pm
I have looked all over and this is the best site I have found as far as information that fits for me. I am in the US and went to 1in6.org but their counseling is only for California residents – do you have any other recommendations? I have been married for 25 years to a man who was sexually abused by a teacher/coach throughout high school. I was unaware of the abuse until 5 years into our marriage. He has since told a few friends, our two older children and his mother. We have had a loving relationship and are very good friends. Our sex life was pretty boring but it did exist for a long time. However, in the past 3-5 years that he has spoken more about the abuse we are now in a sexless marriage. He says he wants to work on intimacy but does not – and maybe I am not open as I feel pretty rejected most of the time. We continue to live every day life but I feel like I have a roomate not a husband. This is causing all kinds of problems….I feel unattractive and the lack of intimacy is causing me a great deal of distress. We talk about it but it ends up making him feel pressured and we are both pushing each other away. I fear we could really be in danger of losing the relationship if we do not get some help…..any advice you can give would be a tremendous help.
Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]
Jess [Living Well Staff] December 2, 2016 at 11:52 am
Thanks for getting in touch with us here at Living Well. I’m definitely hearing how much you care for your husband, and want to be supportive and understanding through the difficulties he is experiencing. However these difficulties are having an effect on you and you’re growing more concerned about the lack of intimacy between you. Your husband has said this is something he wants to work on as well, but he often comes away from conversations about it feeling pressured and nothing ends up changing.
I wonder how it might go if you were to approach the sex and intimacy issue separately from your husband’s history of abuse? You mentioned that the two of you did have an acceptable sex life for a long time, but that it faded away over the past few years. This is not unusual in relationships in general, and doesn’t necessarily have to be connected to the abuse at all. In fact, it can sometimes be more effective to tackle issues like this specifically, rather than seeing them ‘as a result’ of childhood sexual abuse. In this way we are saying “this is the problem specifically, and we can solve it,” rather than saying “the abuse is the problem.” Seeing the abuse as the cause of problems can unconsciously result in an underlying belief that “being abused as a child broke me and I am unfixable.” These kinds of beliefs can cause shame, low self worth, and decreased motivation/belief that things can be improved. Issues might go straight into the “too hard” basket!
Say we frame the problem as “when I think about the lack of physical intimacy with you, I feel lonely and wonder if you still find me attractive.” That way, it’s about behaviours that we can change, rather than a history that we can’t. It’s a specific problem that we can brainstorm solutions to. There is hope that it can be resolved by making an effort and consciously making choices in the here and now.
So I wonder if the idea of going to see a couple’s therapist might be an agreeable one? You are then committing simply to exploring this specific issue, how it affects you both, and what strategies might help to bring you closer together.
If your husband would also like some support around his history of abuse, that can be another, separate goal. We have a more complete list of available services in the USA on our Worldwide services page. One of those phone lines may be able to direct you to a professional in your area with experience in sexual abuse or trauma informed care.
I hope that helps a bit Louise.
Please take care of yourself through this. It sounds like a lot of pressure on you, so taking the time to build up your own wellbeing and resilience is just as important as all of the above.